Wednesday, March 27, 2013

Adventures in winter sports and not dating

My friends invited me cross country skiing. Of all the winter sports, I thought this one may be the most in my favor. Ice skating is one crack away from being that scene in "It's a Wonderful Life"; I once snowboarded down an entire hill because I realized too late it was covered in ice and I'd maul my face if I fell; and the worst as of yet was my adventure in downhill skiing.
The first time I went downhill skiing, I got tangled up in the bunny hill pulley and the operators had to turn it off while they waited for me to right myself and ski down on the wrong side of the line. I managed to make it down the hill and find my way back to the car where I had an extraordinarily good nap.

But perhaps cross country skiing would be different, I thought. We'd be on a flat bike path with poles to lean on while cruising at a steady 5 mph.

These dreams were quickly dashed as we set out at Kincaid Park, where we accidentally embarked on the Advanced Skate Ski trail. This meant instead of a peaceful glide through the woods, much of my time was spent falling, trying to get up without accidentally bending my leg into a broken limb position, sliding down uphills while yelling "NOOOOO!", and thinking, "Maybe this time I'll make it down the hill without falling!"

As I was out there, I realized that if I crashed into a moose and sliced off my finger with my wild ski, I was going to be doubly upset. Not only would I have injured myself, but it would have been done while doing something I didn't even like in the first place. If I tripped and fell while eating ice cream, I'd think, "Well at least I hurt myself doing what I loved." 
This was my view for most of the trip.
Mercifully, we made it back to the car in two hours.  Then suddenly, we realized we had burned like 3,000 calories. More like 5,000 if you count all the negative thoughts I turned into vocal energy.

We drove to Spenard Roadhouse, which is not a rundown biker bar as I expected, where we saw this:
Nazi Girl or Nate's Girl? Or $25 poorly spent?
And this:
And at that moment I knew, this was the best life choice I had made all day.

Seth: My dad always told me that hunger is the best seasoning.*
[*This quote is irrelevant to cinnamon sugar donut holes]
I wasn’t initially interested in going out for lunch because I am a broke, (recently-graduated) college student. That doesn’t have quite the same ring to it. A broke college student has no money because he’s spending it on a quality education to secure the job of his dreams. I, on the other hand, have no money because I bought health insurance and six pounds of fancy Gala apples instead of Braeburns because they taste like fruity Styrofoam. But Ryan, bless his heart, opened his wallet to the good cause.

Then the day ended with this exchange:
Waiter: Is anyone together?
Ryan: We are...she just doesn't know it yet.
Waiter: Haha! Are you feeling sleepy?
Us: Ha..ha?
[Waiter leaves]
Ryan: What does that mean?
Me: Wait, was that a date rape joke?

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