Tuesday, October 1, 2013

The farm from Craigslist

FEMA recently awarded Adrienne and me about $1700 in rent assistance. At first, we were rightfully stoked. We could finally get that TV like the last FEMA guy tried to swindle for us (or buy every flavor of pop-tart all at once like I always wanted) and just live out of our car instead. But as with all government funding, there are strings attached. We have to use the check for its allotted purposes, so laundering money is apparently still frowned upon even in a time of physical and emotional crisis. And, seeing as how we aren't the only ones who had to evacuate, there are next to no places to rent. What's the use of $1700 if we can't spend it? Especially if we can't spend it on pop-tarts?

On a whim, I decided to check for house sitting gigs on Craigslist. I found one sole posting in Gunbarrel from a desparate girl whose sitters fell through at the last minute, and she needed animal care as well. Animals? On a country road in the middle of nowhere where no one can hear me scream?  Sounds like a no-brainer. Why stay with loving friends when I can invade a complete stranger's house who may or may not be luring me to my imminent death by water well? 

But instead of getting killed at the Craigslist house, I landed in farm heaven.

Gosh, I can't wait to eat your unborn children
My friendly Neighh-bor!
Mastiff fight!
Bonus: I have my very own stripper pole and an unlimited supply of Hello Kitty merchandise to stare at me while I sleep!
I think I'll be a natural
The girl who rents the apartment was incredibly nice and quite chill. She gave me permission to pillage her basket of goods she picks each week at the CSA farm share she's a part of, granted me free range of her unhatched chicken babies, and told me to help myself to whatever's in the cupboards (which let's face it, I was going to do anyway because I'm a hungry yet horrible person). 

All in all this is to say, Craigslist is the best and the government…well, you tried.

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