Sunday, December 16, 2012

Awkwardness not averted

This weekend's awkward moments. Take II.

Alaska Youth for Environmental Action (AYEA) recently merged with two other environmental organizations. To celebrate, they threw a merged group launch party.
                At the event, one of the AYEA teens flew up to give a speech about why she loves AYEA and also to ask people to donate money or airline miles so that teens could fly to Juneau for the Civics Conservation Summit in the spring.
                The program manager of AYEA, Megan, gave me and two other interns the donation cards to hand out to the attendees.
                Oh no. I have to ask people for money? This will be awkward.
                “If you’d like to donate, just raise your hand, and one of the interns will be around to give you a form,” Megan announced.
                Score! Awkwardness averted!
                I spotted a woman in the back with her hand raised.
                “Dibs!” I called to the other interns.
                I walked over to the woman gleefully, feeling so ecstatic that I didn’t have to beg people for their funds.
                “Could I have a card?” She asked.
                “Of course!” I responded happily, as I gave her the form and pen.
                She took the items and began to walk close behind me.
                Is she going to fill out the form on my back without asking? That’s odd. Quick! If you offer your back, it won’t be weird.
                “Oh, would you like to write on my back?” I asked generously.
                The woman frowned.
                “No, I’ll just use the table.”
                And she walked two steps more behind me to the table, one of twenty tables located in the room.
                She was still frowning when she returned to hand me her donation.

Bonus Moments:
  • That awkward moment when you ask your co-worker if a burn barrel is something you can ice skate with to help you balance.
  • That awkward moment when you refuse to cross the street with the same co-worker and yell to warn him that cars are coming as he stands in the middle of the road with his arms open in traffic-stopping form, not realizing that the crosswalk sign is illuminated. 
  • That awkward moment when your cousin tells you that you should check out this really snazzy pet lovers’ bakery, and you have to remind her that your dog is dead and you hate your cat.

Sunday, December 9, 2012

I keep bleeding, keep, keep bleeding blood

This weekend's awkward moments. Take I.

              I turned the last corner of my run at what I thought was a reasonable speed. Actually, perhaps it wasn’t my speed that mattered; that massive ice patch would have grounded anyone.
             I hit the pavement hard, and quickly evaluated what just went down.              
Why ice patch, why? I am literally .01 miles from my office door!
Are my hands scraped? Hands scrapes are the worst. Oo, nice save Walmart gloves!
            Is my wrist broken? Nope. You took a beating, wrist. Good job!
            Did my tights rip? Still intact. Another win!
            Okay, quick. Get up before someone from that car you fell right next to asks if you’re ok.               
I jogged sullenly back into the empty office and sat down at my boss’ computer to finish my work.
After a few minutes, I noticed a dark spot on the seat.  My leg was bleeding through my tights onto my boss’ black leather chair.    
                I not-so-quickly hobbled to the bathroom and cleaned up the mysterious wound in my leg. I was under the impression that if my tights weren’t broken, my skin shouldn’t be either. I held toilet paper on my thigh and walked back to the office to find a band aid.
                Luckily, one of the other interns had recently walked in.
                “Hey, I like your shiny black tights,” Debbie said.
                “I’m bleeding through my pants!” I responded in a tizzy.
                Debbie stared at me for a split second.
                “I’m sorry, that sounded weird,” I continued. “I fell and my leg is now bleeding through my tights, so I need a Band-Aid! And I just bled all over Megan’s computer chair.”
                Debbie quickly acquired a band-aid while I quickly sanitized the chair, and the only thing left unmended that night was the ice patch I cracked with my solid fall.
Bonus Moments:
                That awkward moment when the woman in the office next door asks you if you were the assistant that was pregnant, because if so, I sure bounced back quickly.
                That awkward moment when a group of fire fighters walk in the building and your friend points at you and yells, “It’s Audrey’s birthday!!”
                That awkward moment when you see someone you met a month ago, but you’re not sure if you’re well-acquainted enough to acknowledge their existence, so you stare at them until they make eye contact, and then keep staring at them until they do a double take, at which you point you feel it’s now ok to loudly say “HEY!” across the grocery store. Yeah, that moment. 

Saturday, December 8, 2012

Girls can think about nothing, too

            This weekend, awkward moments experienced a sharp jump in activity. But, before I delve into those tales, let's take a look back to November, a time when awkward moments were mercifully only a weekly occurrence.

            My boss gave me free tickets to the Alaska Aces hockey game, and I invited my two guy friends. The game had gone on without a hitch, save for that one awkward moment when one of the guys I brought along suddenly blurted out, “Why am I here? Aren’t you engaged?!” 
           But nevermind him.
           After the hockey game, my other friend (who does not think I am engaged) and I walked back to ours cars. I didn’t notice that we weren’t speaking until he said, “What are you thinking about?” which led to a mild internal panic attack.
Did he just ask ‘What are you thinking about?’ I thought only girls asked that question.
Focus. Shoot, what was I thinking about? Oh my gosh. No. Nooo! Nothing! I wasn’t thinking about anything! Hey that’s pretty cool.
Think. Think! You can’t tell him ‘Nothing’. He’ll think you’re lying.­
We’re walking up a hill. It is steep.
It’s cold.
It’s dark.
I can see my breath. I wonder how far it would have to project before I’d start to look like a fire-breathing dragon. Well, a smoke-breathing dragon.
Ah ha! Got it.
 “I was just thinking about how weird it is that hockey players get into fights when they know they’ll be penalized.”
Nice save.