Show me a day old sandwich, and I'll show you my delicious dinner for tonight.

              I’ve changed since I have come to Ireland, like I now put milk in my cereal. Sometimes. Here are a few mind boggling facts I learned here:

1)      You know how grilled cheese is awesome, but only for five minutes after it has been made? Take heart soldiers, it can be salvaged by taking it for a spin in the microwave then burning all of its impurities out in the toaster.

2)      Saint Patrick was a beast. He was captured by the Irish and made a slave, but eventually escaped. And then the feisty man came back! Maybe it was because if they tried to take him again, he could say, “I’m going because I want to, not because you told me to." This is basically how it went down:

Why the heck would you go back, Patrico?

I want them to love me and eventually throw me a parade. Jesting, jesting. For Jesus!

And then he went back, and everyone loved him because he was super loving and wasn’t afraid of the pagan gods.

Patty, how come the Dagda doesn’t make you shake in your bed each night?

Because I’m not afraid of nonexistent gods.  

Touché.  

Pat looks very dapper after 1500 years



3)      Grape fluid is unpalatable. We attended a service at Christ Church, and they served us the hard stuff. Holy mackerel, Jesus is tasting a little bitter today. I don’t mind the communion wine at Hillside as much. It’s kind of strong, but it’s only a baby shot, so I can deal with it. Then I found out it was grape juice. I still say it’s too strong.

4)      I can wash my face in five seconds flat. Not because I enjoy power washing, but because Ireland has implemented the two-faucet deal. You can choose from extreme hotness or extreme coldness, which usually leads to extreme pain.

5)      Ireland has these nifty metal boxes on most main streets that shoot out free money! Maybe that’s why they’re in a recession.

6)      The difference between a latte and a cappuccino is the amount of milk foam. Don’t pay more for air.

 

Happy to be ripping off customers

       7)      I can’t do an Irish accent because the Irish don’t sound very Irish. If I tried, I’d just end up sounding South African, and we all know how embarrassing that is.

8)      The sign “To Let” is never a typo for “Toilet”. Ireland has very few public toilets, but my bladder has been strengthened because of this.

I hate you.

Everyone knows that Ireland is green, has sheep, and it rains there more often than a king (except when we were here, thank goodness). But, there’s more to it than that. I like the small tidbits of Ireland because it makes the bigger picture make more sense. So, if you ask me “How was Ireland?” or “What did you learn there?”, expect a step-by-step instruction on how to salvage a sandwich. I like to focus on the important things.